Music
Sunday, September 30, 2007 @ 11:53 pm
Mummy cried today ):
Because we made her.
This morning daddy was in a bad mood.
Like those “woke up from the wrong side of the bed” type :/
Mummy daddy brought ab and eb to the temple to pray for their coming major exams..
While I stayed at home.
They came back during lunch time..
And daddy went straight to his room, BLACK FACED.
Like a ALWAYS pissed over stupid things.
Mummy gave us our lunch, and we just ate quietly.
Then I was like, “eh mummy! Tml children’s day leh! Where are our presents!!”
And then mummy said, “you are still a child ah.”
Then she TSK me.
After lunch, I was doing my own stuffs..
then mummy suddenly came from behind me and handed me a small pink pouch.
“nah, happy children’s day.”
Mummy actually prepared a gift for me.
I was like super shocked and touched and happy (:
I wanted to cry, but I didn’t lah.
Like I was actually joking with her earlier on, just joking really.
Just acting like a big baby, really just joking.
But I really didn’t expect mummy to have prepared a gift for us!
Eb and ab got one too.
Ab had chocs and gummies and a piggy keychain, for good luck during exams.
Eb had chocs and gummies and a sheep magnet plush toy, for good luck during exams.
I had some usual gummies and a long dinosaur gummie (:
I’d never seen that before!
And mummy said, “cant find a snake, so this dinosaur gummie give you.”
I don’t know where on earth did mummy manage to find this cute dinosaur gummie, but I love it!
THANK YOU MUMMY.
Ok I don’t know why but im like crying as im typing this.
Im really touched and I really feel bad abt you crying just now, mummy.
Mummy actually prepared gifts for us, so meaningful gifts, and we made her cry in return.
We suck big time.
Ok this was what happened.
Wait, this blog entry is not to talk bad abt eb or ab or anything, but I just feel really sad and sorry abt what happened this afternoon.
Some words I could not bring myself to say in person, I’ll say it here.
Ok here goes:
Alright, like I said, mummy gave us presents.
Then ab and eb started to revise for exams.
Daddy was watching soccer in his room.
Mummy was reading the papers.
I hate this type of weekends, when everyone is doing their own thing.
I mean, of course I dont expect ab and eb to NOT REVISE for exams, but the atmosphere was just weird.
Everyone was in a bad mood.
I wanted to escape, sort of.
So I went to chevrons for a swim on my own.
Not wanting to distract ab and eb was an excuse – I didn’t want to be at home seeing their pissed faces, AT ALL.
I could have stayed in the room and watch my videos, but I just wanted to be OUT of the house.
So I took a bus to chevrons.
LONELY LIKE HELL.
How I wished min you were with me at that time, but you had to study for your As too ):
I reached chevrons, there were swimming lessons.
I signed in and took a towel, sat down on a BED CHAIR.
You know, that long bench things ppl lie on at pools.
YES I CALL IT A BED CHAIR, WHATEVER LAH.
So I sat down there, on the one and only vacant bench.
The rest were occupied by the parents.
I sat there alone, wondering when the lesson’s going to end.
I went to ask the lifeguard, and he said there’s half an hour more.
So I applied sunscreen and waited.
As I waited, I looked at the happy kids in the water.
I was reminded of the days when eb and I used to have swimming lessons.
We’d beg mummy to let us play a while more in the pool even after 2 hours of lessons.
We’d be like, “a while more! A while more!”
And she’d relent (:
Then daddy would be at the gym running while we bathed.
After that, we’d have lunch tgt near MAMA’S house.
Weekends were always happy.
But nowadays, we’re all busy with our own stuffs, we tend to ignore each other.
That day at work, I showed chingoo an sms mummy sent me.
She sent “how is your work? Although we live in the same house but I haven’t seen you for 2 days!”
Cos mummy was ill at that time, so when I was back home she’d be sleeping alr.
Then when I wake up the next morning, she’d be at work.
When I saw that message, there was a weird feeling.
I felt bad and sad all of a sudden.
I haven’t seen mummy for 2 days.
Did I miss her?
No, I didn’t.
Did I ask her how was she?
No, I took her for granted.
But she misses me.
MUMMY MISSES ME ):
I wanted to cry and hug her right away.
I wanted to be in her arms, like a little kid.
Ok anyway, back to today.
After the lesson ended, I went into the pool and started swimming.
I swam for a while, then another lesson started.
WAD THE.
I was like “heck la, just swim.”
But it was retarded lah cos there was simply not enough space to swim when kids are floating all around you.
It’s like, I had to swim and stop swim and stop to let some kid struggle past me to his coach.
Something really embarrassing and silly happened to me too.
I was adjusting my goggles and didn’t notice the people around me.
So after I put my goggles back on, I kicked against the wall hard and swam forth.
Suddenly this guy came from my right and I didn’t have time to react or stop.
SO WE CRASHED.
It was like “BONG!”
And we crashed into each other.
Super throw face.
I said sorry, OF COURSE, and continued to swim.
Then I saw in front of me, ONE WHOLE GRP of kids swimming towards my end of the pool.
So I gave up.
I went to sit at the Jacuzzi side of the pool, and looked at the kids swim.
I was thinking “what is it like at home now?”
Then I felt like I really needed min, so I gave her a call.
We decided to have dinner tgt.
The thought of meeting her made me feel a bit better (:
I went to bathe, then took a lonely bus ride home.
On the way home, I called mummy to tell her I wont be having dinner at home.
She was like “okay”, she sounded alright still.
Then the moment I reached home, I felt something wasn’t right.
Mummy was looking not angry, but sort of troubled and pissed.
She was abt to cook dinner, and was asking daddy eb ab what they wanted to eat.
But they ignored her a few times before answering “I don’t want to eat/anything lah/not hungry”
Of course, mummy was not happy.
Like, how would you feel if you were her?
We all know how it feels like to be ignored or brushed off.
But we often neglect that and don’t care how others feel.
Then daddy went for a jog himself without dinner.
Guess he was like me, wanted some time out of the house.
Then mummy was like, “can you all say something? I have to cook something for dinner what.”
Then eb and ab didn’t even bother to answer her and continued humming songs while listening to the mp3 and doing their revision.
I went into the kitchen and looked at mummy.
She was boiling sweet potatoes for dinner.
And hot dogs to eat with bread.
It was a sad sight.
Then I asked her, “you all just eating these?”
Then she was like, “aiyah I don’t know what you all want lah! Ask also don’t want to answer, I don’t know what to cook for you all lah!”
Then she stormed out.
She was angry of course.
It’s not the first time this happened.
We always take her for granted and ignore her just because WE DIDN’T FEEL LIKE ANSWERING.
We suck, I know.
Then I went to sit at the table, with eb and ab.
I looked them for a while, and they were nonchalant abt mummy’s anger.
just when I was abt to ask them what they really want for dinner, mummy came out.
It seems like she really couldn’t take it anymore.
She started to yell and choke on her words.
“what do you all actually want me to do? Why is it always like I did something wrong? Cant you all even answer me when im talking to you all! Do you know how I feel?”
Then she started to sob then finally she broke down and cried.
"Im tired of this you know, I will feel bad if I don’t cook for you all but what you all want me to do! Seriously I’d rather spent 7 days a week at the office than to be at home seeing your black faces!”
Then she went into her room.
And all the while when she was yelling at eb and ab, I looked at them from the side.
Ab was looking down at her assessment book, avoiding mummy’s eyes.
Eb continued writing and listened to her music, AND SHE ACTUALLY HUMMED THE SONGS.
WHILE MUMMY WAS CRYING AND SCOLDING THEM.
She totally treated mummy like TRANSPARENT, ignored the words coming out of her mouth like they were dust.
At least ab was guilty and looked down, but eb, were you even sorry abt it?
Did you even bother to take out your STUPID DUMB EAR PLUGS?
You had the nerve to continue LISTENING TO MUSIC when mummy was alr crying?
AND YOU WERE HUMMING.
I looked at her in shock, and I saw mummy’s sad face, with her tears falling like crazy.
She wasn’t feeling well, but we still made her sad.
No one offered her a tissue.
Eb, im not scolding you here or anything, and I know you’ll probably read this and hate me for this..
But, I was really shocked and disappointed with the way you behaved just now.
I know, I also ignore mummy sometimes, and I even raise my voice at her when she scolds us sometimes.
But just now, mummy was alr crying.
Her heart must have been broken, and you still totally acted like nothing happened and did what you did in front of her.
Don’t you even feel that you were wrong?
Not even a bit?
I wanted to shout at you just now, but I didn’t.
I don’t know why, really.
I just couldn’t say it out.
Then after a while mummy came out and prepared dinner.
She asked ab what to spread on her bread..
And ab was like “I spread myself.”
She SERVED your steamed buns to you, right to you on the table, and you didn’t even thank her.
I saw mummy back away with the really sad face.
But did you see that?
No, you were busy humming songs ):
What were you trying to show by being like that?
That you don’t really care?
That you dont give a damn?
I know, it’s hard to admit we’re in the wrong sometimes, it’s hard to say SORRY.
But, you didn’t have to say it out, at least SHOW that you feel sorry?
Im not trying to act like a good kid or fake nice here, but seriously, we should apologise.
):
Mummy ate bread quietly at the sofa, while ab and eb started to resume their jovial mood and joked around with each other.
I FELT THAT WAS ABSURD.
I felt bad too.
Like, as the eldest, aren’t I supposed to be more like an ELDER SISTER, making mummy worry less and nag at us less?
But she is worrying abt our meals, worrying that we’ll be hungry if she doesn’t cook, while we don’t even give a damn abt her.
And we even made her cry );
After dinner, we sat down tgt at the sofa and watched the charity show thing.
Mummy made the effort to talk to you all and brought out the sweet potatoes for you all.
In the end ab and eb did talk to mummy already, and things sort of became alright.
I went to meet min in a while, and I poured out all my troubles to her.
I told her we made mummy cry, I told her everything.
She consoled me of course, and told me we were fortunate that mummy even bothers to ask us what we’d want to eat for dinner.
She says her mother doesn’t do that, and they just have to eat what she’d cooked.
I totally agree, we are really fortunate to have mummy, OUR MUMMY.
Min and I chatted for quite a while, then we went to buy some stuffs at NTUC.
Didn’t buy a lot of stuffs, but the few things we bought were rather heavy.
2 cartons of sobe, yakult, 2 big cans of insecticide, ant baits.
My house has many PEST VISITORS recently :/
Luckily I had min with me and she helped me carry some stuffs.
ANYWAYS!
Chatting with min really really made me feel a lot better.
I could really tell her everything on my mind, and she’d always make me feel better – FRIEND THERAPY.
THANK YOU MIN (:
We were walking out of NTUC, when I walked past this cake shop.
I wanted to buy something for mummy to cheer her up.
I bought CHOCOLATE MOUSSE for her.
Chocolate makes people happy right?
Walked back home with min and she helped me carry the stuffs up.
Invited her in of course, like as usual.
We’re really close, she just comes in and mummy eb they all wont feel weird.
Like, she’ll sit on the sofa and watch tv with us, eat with us, use our cups, etc, AND KILLS ANTS FOR US :D
I like that.
Min, if you are reading this, im really REALLY glad to have a close friend like you.
It’s like, when im really sad and have no one to talk to, I know you’d be there to accompany me.
Like, I’d just send you an sms, and you’d be right beside me at dinner (:
Thank you for tonight, even though you are really busy with exams.
THANKS :D
Gave mummy the chocolate mousse, and she was really surprised (:
She left a bit and asked me to give it to daddy..
But I pushed it back to her and said, “But I bought it for you what.”
I was kind of pissed with daddy for not bothering abt mummy too.
He didn’t even know she cried lah ):
Then mummy even fed ab and eb some.
See?
Eb, mummy still loves us like that even though we’re so bad to her.
We’re really wrong today, and I really hope you DID feel sorry ):
Seeing mummy this sad really makes me super sad as well.
To think she even gave us CHILDREN’S DAY presents.
We’re like big kids, even teenagers alr.
But she gives us CHILDERN’S DAY gifts.
MUMMY, SORRY, and I LOVE YOU (: