went to the wake after the test to help out.

my heart was heavy the whole day.
i felt like crying everytime someone came to me to console me.
it's like, i think about everything again.
halfway during lesson, i missed gong gong so much.
the feeling was mad.
i couldnt get anything into my head.
i was copying everything on the board, without knowing what it was.
sigh :(

after i alighted at commonwealth station,
i walked across the big field to gong gong's house.
i remembered how i had my 2.4 during secondary school.
at that field cos the school's only next to it.
i even lived in gong gong's house for a week cos it was so near school.
one week might be short, but i will always remember the things we did together.
and all that he did for me.

cos gong gong snores really loud when he sleeps,
so po po and him actually sleep in different rooms at night.
so when i was living with them,
i took the extra room, and they had to share one.
one night, po po really couldnt take it,
so gong gong had to leave and sleep at the hotel.
cos he was working as a chef for a hotel at that time.
so he just left in the middle of the night to sleep at the hotel.
i only knew about it in the morning when i woke up.

i couldnt believe it.
like, he was so old, and he had to leave house in the middle of the night
cos he didnt want to disturb us.
i cried that day.
i felt like a nuisance.
in the end, i moved back home after a week.

sigh, so when i walked across the field yesterday,
i thought of so many things.
then when i walked up the steps,
i saw wreaths, blankets, many people.
i went in, and gong gong's photo was there on the altar already.
his face looked so familiar.
the healthy and glowing face.
it was then i finally realised, i was really going to a wake.
gong gong's wake.
i was actually offering incense to him.
folding incense papers for him.

since young, mummy always told us not to kneel at your elders,
not to pretend to pray at them,
and now i'm doing the real thing.
so the feeling is really wierd and sad.
do you understand how i feel?
all these really seem so unrealistic, so untrue.
it is really hard to accept the fact that he's gone.

today is the last day of the wake, and tmr's the funeral.
the final already.
i'm scared.